2009 10 10. Saturday.

Here at the ashram I find it a good place to be aware of how I emotionally react to so many things, big and small. I'm getting a chance to see the reactions more clearly and contemplate how the reactions are generally not needed and not useful. And, at the same time, I'm working on practicing forgiving myself for all my reactivity. I'm realizing more and more I can't be compassionate, forgiving and relaxed with others unless I can be that way with myself. Its true; charity starts at home.

One of the western female renunciates helped out in the compost area a few days ago. This morning she was telling me how much she enjoyed the experience. She said the Indian men in the compost area treated her well, unlike how she's treated by Indian men in other areas of the ashram. She said often the Indian men will not take her seriously and not respect the work she does. She was saying that Mukhunda was especially nice to work with. I agreed and said that he was always sweet and joyful. She replied "Just like you." and walked away to get breakfast. For a few seconds I was like a deer in the headlights, trying to determine if I had heard her correctly. For the next few days my mind wanted to go into all kinds of stories about what she meant by that. And, at the same time, another part of my mind was observing and gently laughing at my habit of wanting to spin off into all kinds of stories. This lady was tall and attractive which only added to my stories. Ah, how beguiling are the leelas of the mind! The One Brahman loves to play the game of hide-and-seek from Itself. Oh, well, I'm stuck in the game for a while; might as well play for fun.

Now that there's hardly anyone in the computer room I have time to download a few podcasts. Oh no! Not back to my podcast addiction! I'm limiting myself to my few very favorite podcasts: 'Buddhist Geeks' (wonderful show about modern American Buddhism), 'Security Now' (gotta make sure my laptop stays secure) and 'Changesurfer Radio' (a really cool trans-humanist podcast that also covers techno-singularity topics). I listen to the podcasts while brushing my teeth and getting myself cleaned up after the messy compost work.